Mike Waters has heard from his AMC spy, Raoul, again. Raoul has assured Mike that the secret schedule he's supplying Mike this year is much more accurate than last year's. So sit back and relax as Mike spills the beans on (the perhaps final?) season four of Remember WENN.

Subject:      Ultra Top Secret Season 4 News!
From:         mikewats@aol.com (Mikewats)
Date:         1998/06/18
Newsgroups:   alt.tv.remember-wenn

Well, we've been conned again. I just found out from my secret AMC contact, Raoul, that everything let out so far about season 4 has been a clever disinformation campaign to turn our attention from the real surprises that lie ahead.

Apparently there are only a few copies of the real season schedule for WENN, locked in a strongbox. Raoul ferretted one of them away and sent it to me by JPG; unfortunately, he held it backwards to the camera, and I had to try and read the faded, reversed lettering through the light. The following is as much as I could decipher...

Episode #44: "Back to the Barley Future"

It turns out that Pruitt's gun is an experimental Nazi secret weapon called a "demolecularizer." His bullet goes through the wall of the Green Room, and strikes C.J. (who was tardy in leaving the station), time-transporting him to the year 1955. A bit later, we discover Jeff and Hilary kissing passionately in the studio -- then, after Pavla and Ballinger leave, the estranged couple finally reconcile. At the conclusion, Victor and Scott subdue Pruitt with some tricky kung fu moves. With peace restored, Betty asks Victor the name of his contact, then gasps in shock as Victor and Scott pull off their rubber faces to reveal that they're actually...Fade to black.

Episode #45: "Who's Leaving the Asylum?"

Now that Victor and Scott have seemingly switched identities, "Victor's" contact, Victor (the real Victor -- or so we think) returns to Germany in search of a "remolecularizing ray" that will help the vanished C.J. Meanwhile, Mackie reads in a horoscope column that his "animal nature" will bring him great success, and promptly heads to Hollywood to sign a four-month contract to be the cartoon voice for Wally the Weasel. Hilary, angered at Jeff's continuing insistence on pronouncing the name "Pavla" correctly, predicts on "Magic Time" that "a young actor will pass through an open window between the thirteenth floor and the street." Then, after Betty receives a marriage proposal from Scott (the real Scott -- or so we think), she confides to Doug about her dilemma over what to do with Victor/"Victor"/Scott/"Scott" -- without using their names. As Doug staggers to the front door with an attack of vertigo, we hear an exhuberant shout from Mr. Eldridge, who's found a prize-winning grey M&M in the middle of some pig's feet he mis-ordered from the Buttery.

Episode #47: "Antenna on the Roof"

Gertie shows Betty a new musical she's written in her spare time. It's the saga of upright peasant folk at a Jewish radio station in turn-of-the-century Russia. The cast includes a seasoned patriarch whose husky snarls hide a heart of gold ("Hilvye"), his hard-working, long-suffering wife ("Jeffye"), their daughters ("Bettle," "Mapel", and "Yuchenia"), and the town matchmaker ("Gerdl"). As local townsmen ("Comchik," "Fondya," "Schottische," and "Tommy") amorously pursue the available women, the plucky group try to maintain a high standard of programming in the face of official persecution, cow-driven electrical generators, and a signal that only reaches as far as Dnieperpetrovsk.

Episode #49: "Victor Loves Maple"

Victor returns from Germany again, depressed at Scott and Betty's apparent romance. He's lonely and dejected...and looking for love. Meanwhile, Miss Cosgrave stops by the station, and we finally learn her first name (it's "Maple"). As Eugenia and Mr. Foley hum "Remember When" at the back of the studio, Victor and Miss Cosgrave talk, their eyes meet, they smile...Fade to black. But after a really brief fling, Miss Cosgrave decides to accept a job offer from P.S. 133 in Brooklyn, and Victor turns his attentions to the other Maple (who happily reciprocates them, believing that Victor is really Scott). Meanwhile, Gertie shows Betty a scene from a new musical, "Pennsylvania!," that she's written in her spare time. It's the singing, dancing saga of some down-home folks who run an Amish radio station in a rural corner of the state.

Episode #50: "The Fillies of WENN"

Employing the slogan "10 Great Dancers -- 9 Great Costumes," Scott plans a promotional smoker in studio "A" for WENN's sponsors -- without telling them that the "chorus line" he's hired dirt-cheap for the event is actually the Keystone Clydesdales. While one of the horses, "Black Betty," performs the entrancing "Dance of the Seven Pails," Scott gives in to the audience's demands for something saucier than scantily-clad ponies, and ropes WENN's Betty into taking the stage. While Betty waits in the writer's room, trying to undo the rope without undoing her skimpy costume, Gertie tells her about a scene from a new musical revue she's written in her spare time, "Oh, Altoona." It's a saga in which the cast members perform musical numbers in some fairly daring one-piece bathing suits.

Episode #52: "Stompin' at the Station"

Bashfully, in an inaudible whisper, Mr. Foley asks Eugenia to be his date for a Benny Goodman concert. She says "yes", they go...and all hell breaks loose. Meanwhile, Betty tells Scott she's decided to marry him -- thinking that he's really Victor. But she promptly changes her mind when she finds out that Scott, still hoping to pay off those microphones, had placed several bets on her answer with his bookie. As they feud, the now-wealthy Mr. Eldridge asks Gertie to be his bride, and she assents on one condition -- that he must never, ever, ever again use the phrase "understood completely" in her presence. Mr. Eldridge nods and replies, "Understood completely" -- so he and Scott end up alone together, heading off to O'Malley's.

Episode #53: "WENN Side Story"

Gertie shows Betty a new musical she's written in her spare time. The saga concerns Scotty, the leader of a big-city street gang (the "Station Managers"), whose turf is threatened by a rough, tough, meanie rival gang (the "Nazis"). Victorio, seemingly a member of the "Nazis" but linked in reality to the "Station Managers", falls in love with Bettina, one of the "Station Managers." Angered, Scotty fights for Bettina's hand by challenging the entire "Nazi" army to a rumble. Musical numbers include "The WENN Tune":

"When you're at WENN,
     every day's like a song
It might be 'Barney Google' (WAV)
     or 'Gotterdammerung'".

Episode #54: "Code of the East"

"Rance Shiloh" has a new sponsor, Yammamoto Systems Corp. Jeff becomes suspicious after noticing aesthetic deficiencies in a commercial for the company's new board game: "It's a great game to play when you're cooped up for long hours in an air-raid shelter. Or maybe when you're at the beach on a serene, pacific early Sunday morning. You might roll a twelve or a seven...or a twelve and a seven...or a twelve, followed much later by a seven. But even if you don't roll a twelve -- or a seven..." Later, the company's president -- discovered to be Pruitt -- takes Gertie and Maple hostage in the Green Room on the grounds that "they're the only women left in the place who haven't had a gun pointed at them." Jeff and Scott subdue him with some tricky kickboxing, then pull off their rubber faces to reveal that they're actually...Jeff and Scott. Finally, the Pittsburgh police arrive and arrest everybody at WENN for treason.

Episode #56: "On the Seventh Day..." (season finale)

It's a bright, gorgeous Sunday in early December, and the entire WENN crew, out on bail, have decided to close out their grueling year a little early with a noontime Christmas party. Victor, "Victor", Scott, "Scott", Betty, Hilary, Jeff, Mackie, Gertie, Eugenia, Maple, Mr. Foley, and Mr. Eldridge reminisce about their hard times and good times in 1941, and gaily rhapsodize on the mirth and merriment they hope to enjoy in the coming year. Suddenly their reverie is brought to a chilling halt -- by the arrival of an ominous telegram from Woodbury, New York. Fade to black...

Mike
Oklahoma U.S.A.
(hoping to have the chance someday to write a post titled "Ultra Top Secret Season 5 News")

This post reprinted by permission.